Stop Saying This! The Worst Puns for Every Profession
Listen to this conversation on today’s podcast – LINK
The Bangor, Maine Police Department has something to admit: they appreciate that you respect the law, but stop going out of your way to say it! On a recent Facebook post they listed the jokes they are tired of hearing:
1. You do not need to tell us-“I didn’t do it.” We probably don’t think that you did do it. We probably don’t know what “it” is. We assume most people we run into during the average day didn’t do it, and neither did their friends.
2. Do not point at your friend and say-“He/She did it.” It was funny the first 389 times. Actually only about 4 times, but we are all about fairness.
You might not know that we have heard it before. Most of us will still smile.
3. Do not tell your children that we are going to arrest them if they don’t behave. Don’t. Do. That. We are not going to arrest them if they are not behaving. We are not going to scare them for you. We just don’t do that.
Kids have enough to worry about without thinking that each time they see a police officer they are going to be arrested. We don’t arrest kids. You are going to need to work on your parenting skills if this is one of your strategies. Stop it.
4. If you are drunk, you do not need to tell us you are drunk. We can usually tell. Just don’t drive a motor vehicle.
Otherwise, enjoy your altered state of mind. We don’t mind.
5. If you are not drunk, you don’t need to tell us that either. We know that people consume alcoholic beverages in many settings.
Most people who are drinking for the pleasure of having a drink are not drunk.
6. Don’t feel you need to tell us that you did not speed today. You don’t need to tell us the last time you got pulled over, or even if you never had a summons. We appreciate the way most folks drive. We are not thinking that you are a bad person when we show up in the fast food line with you. We think you are hungry. It’s all good. We’re hungry too.
We do not hold poor motor vehicle records against you while you are buying a burger. We know you will do better right after lunch.
The police department isn’t alone! Here are some of the most annoying puns each profession hears:
- Retail workers: when the barcode isn’t working “Must be free”
- Landscaper: in the dead of summer “is it hot enough for you”
- UPS Driver: “FRA-GI-LE, must be Italian”
- Armored Car Driver: “Just put the money in my trunk” or “got any free samples”
- Port-o-Potty transporter: “You have a crappy job”
- Water delivery guy: “Nice jugs”
- Painter: “You missed a spot”
- Comedian: after being told a joke “You can use that”
- Radio host: “Ahhh, you have a face for radio”
- Bald guys: “we go to the same barber”
- Mailman: “just the checks please, keep the bills”
- Pastor: “last time I went to church was…”
- Vet Tech: “Oh, you get to play with puppies and kittens all day”
- Chef: “What’s cookin?”
- OB/GYN: “thrown an extra stitch in for me”
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