#478 It Wasn’t Me! I’m Telling You, It Was The Man With The Gigantic, Hook-Shaped Penis!

Daily poop discovered on school’s track field traced back to rival school’s superintendent… a Vermont man is facing charges after using his shotgun to silence a smoke alarm… Congressman who met with middle-schoolers photobombed by girl giving camera the middle finger… a young woman stabbed a man in a ritualistic male sacrifice… a county judge stepped in a subdued an unruly suspect after sentencing… a couple heard noises outside their home and discovered a bear in their SUV… Milwaukee is suffering a spree of paintball attacks.