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The 11 Things That Make Philadelphia Better Than Boston

By The Best Show Ever? and Dylan MacKinnon

This weekend two Boston teams are in town. The Celtics, and the Red Sox. We have 5 games ahead of us between Philadelphia and Boston teams. The Celtics for games 3 and 4 of this 2nd round series, and the Red Sox for a 3 games series vs the Phillies. It’s a wild weekend of games ahead of us. The sports complex will be packed with people all 3 days. Which team will get the best of each other in each of these games, we don’t yet know. But one thing we do know is that Philadelphia is better than Boston regardless.

I am in a unique position to weigh in here. I spent the first 5 years of my life in Massachusetts. But even as a toddler, I was able to realize that we would all be better off in Philly. So we moved. And I am better off for it. Technically we moved to South Jersey, and it’s where I still live. But in this case, South Jersey counts as Philly. We both call it a hoagie and we both root for the Birds. So it still counts.

Boston teams may have all the rings and the success, but in every other way, Philadelphia is superior. The list of reasons why could go up to 100. But that would take too long to list, and we have to get ready to watch the Sixers and Phillies smoke the Celtics and Red Sox. So for the sake of brevity, I will keep the list to just 11 reasons why Philly is better than Boston. Apologies to all the family I still have in Boston. It’s nothing personal. Im just stating the obvious. Which is that Philadelphia is by far the better city.

Here are 11 things that prove it:

 

  • Philly Is the Nation's First Capital

    I’m sorry Boston, was it your city the Founders signed the Declaration of Independence in? No. All you guys did was pollute the Boston harbor with Tea. Philly founded this country. And it was Philly that was chosen as the first capital. The only reason it moved to D.C. was because of some backroom dealings between Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson. But everyone should remember that Philly was the first, and best choice for it.

  • Ben Franklin is Better Than John Adams

    Like myself, Ben Franklin was born in Massachusetts but then chose Philly. Even back then the smartest man in Amercia knew Philly was the place to be. Meanwhile, Boston’s best representative was John Adams. Ben Franklin was an inventor, creating new appliances and instruments we still use to this day. What is John Adam’s claim to fame? Being the first President not to get a second term? Or is it being the guy whose Presidency killed his own party?

    We put Ben Franklin on our highest denomination of money, the $100 bill. The only money they ever put Adam’s face on was a discontinued $1 coin.

  • Cheesesteaks Are Better Than Clam Chowder

    Philly is a food city. Yes, there are Cheesesteaks, which are great. But also Roast Porks, Soft Pretzels, Water Ice, Tomato Pie, Scrapple, and Pork Roll. The list goes on. We even do other people’s food well. What does Boston have? Clam Chowder and Baked Beans. Just keep driving North to Maine and you can get the superior Crab or Lobster dishes.

    Philly also has better Pizza, Mexican food, and Pizza. Pretty much any food that doesnt come out of a bay, Philly does better than Boston.

  • It's Called a Hoagie, Not A Grinder

    In Boston, they call a Hoagie a grinder. New Yorkers are wrong to call them Sub, but at least that makes sense. The roll looks like a submarine, so they call it a sub. But what is a grinder? But a hoagie is a hoagie. Wawa Hoagie Fest is a big deal. A grinder fest doesn’t sound good though.

    Boston finally got on the right page and got a Wawa, so having Wawa can’t go on the list anymore. But Bostonians should still appreciate us for giving them the best convenience store in the country. The same goes for Tasty Cakes.

  • Boyz II Men >>> New Kids On The Block

    Both cities are the home to a famous Boy Band. But only one of those boy bands are actually talented. Boyz II Men are the most talented Boy Band out there. Mostly because they can actually sing, perform, and pull off harmonies. New Kids on the Block? Not so much. Give me ‘It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye’ over whatever the hell Mark and Donnie Wahlberg call music.

  • Bradley Cooper Is Better than Ben Afleck

    Bradley Cooper has given us Wedding Crashers, The Hangover movies, Rocket Racoon in the Guardians of the Galaxy Movies, A Star is Born, among other great films. Ben Affleck gave us Gigli and Armageddon.

  • The Phanatic Is Way Better Than Wally the Green Monster

    The Philly Phanatic is an icon of Sports mascots. But what the hell is Wally?  Why are his eyebrows randomly orange? When you say great sports Mascots the Phanatic immediately comes to mind. Even people in Boston wouldn’t say Wally.

  • Our Super Bowl Winning QB Can Catch The Ball

    Nick Foles caught his trick play, and scored a TD? What happened when the Patriots tried throwing to Brady? Hey Boston, you want Philly Philly?

  • He Also Doesn't Fumble The Ball In The 4th Quarter

    Looks like all those rings finally got to Brady and he is having a hard time holding onto things.

  • We Still Haunt Brady's Nightmares

    In all of these years, and all the success Tom Brady has had, Philly is still haunting him. He said so himself.

  • Our Accents Are Better

    Apologies mom. My mom still has a somewhat distinct Boston accent, I have a little bit of it too. But it’s not a good accent. Its the accent that comes out of my own mouth, yet I will still admit it. Saying things like pahk the cah, or wahdah is ridiculous. Meanwhile, Philadelphians saying things like youse or wooder is far less annoying. Outsiders kind of made jawn annoying, but that’s not Philly’s fault, that’s us creating a word so great other people ruined it.

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